Yo dont text me then not text me
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
