very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
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she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
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I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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