Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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