Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
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Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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