I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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