I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
