Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
