I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I don't deserve a penis
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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