I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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