he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
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