you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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