he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
