I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
