To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
