I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
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EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
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I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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