You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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