70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
