OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
