no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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