I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
