Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
