this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
