Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
