on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
