Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
