How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
