Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
