the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i think i have herpe
just one?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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