dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
