I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
did i walk over a car last night?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
