the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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