I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Randomize
