You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
