Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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