I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
