he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
