everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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