Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
