I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
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A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
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I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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