I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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