i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Randomize
