she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
i think my cat just said my name.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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