Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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