i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
