You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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