I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize