Umm I'm too high to move.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
