i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
