the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
She tied me up with her honor cords...
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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