I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
