there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
