Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Randomize
