38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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