my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
