I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
