We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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