I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
