Only a mothe r could love this liver
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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