ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
