I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
