Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Randomize
