Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
