went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
