Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
