I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Randomize
