i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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