there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
