i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
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All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
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Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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