its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
