Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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