It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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