so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
