oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
It's rum buckets o'clock
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
