On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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