do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
